A survey I actually answered, LOL!

A survey I actually answered, LOL!

Current mood:amused

This survey was interesting, and got one of the biggest responses of messages of anything I have posted here lately, so I figured I would save it in a blog, LOL!

1. My dad once: Heard a vibration on his truck and realized it was the chrome tip on the tailpipe, so he reached down to tighten it while it was still hot....

2. Never in my life: will I accept the metric system. LOL!

3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always manage to make me smile: My dogs...

4. High School is/was: a period of time that I did not use to its full potential...If I knew then what I know now...

6. My first real love was: Wasted on someone who did not deserve it...I should blog that story someday.

7. If I were to get married right now my bridesmaids/groomsmen
would be: Shocked to hear about my marriage.

8. I talk to my ex: with no reservations...good terms with everyone.

9. When I was 5: I realized there was life outside of my home.

10. Last Christmas I: had a knife pulled on me and was attacked and had to call the sheriffs.

11. When I turn my head left i see: that my neck is stiff...and some CD boxes for my DJ biz.

12. When I turn my head right: window to my backyard...freshly mowed and rain falling.

13. The craziest Family Event was: not held yet

14. If I was a character on Friends I'd be: either Chandler, or the weird guy who lives upstairs...or probably ugly naked guy.

15. By this time next year: My medical debt will be much less.

16. My favorite day is: a good day.

17. I have a hard time understanding: advanced math calculations.

18. One time at: band camp...oh...one time at Finnegans, a girl in the back booth took her top off and was holding her boobs up for my approval while I was singing onstage, and I was the only one who saw...

19. You know I "like" you if: I engage you in meaningful conversation. Or if you find me naked in the same room...

20. If I won an award, the first person(people) I'd thank would be: it would depend on the award and who was responsible for helping my achievement.

21. Take my advice: Start investing as early as possible. Invest in real estate. Get a lot while you are young. Dont waste investment money on bling. Drive an old car and own 3 houses.

22. My ideal breakfast is: Whiting fillets, stewed tomatoes over grits, 2 runny eggs, toast coffee and juice. Soul food style... (...and if ya like fish and grits and all that pimp shit let me hear somebody say oh yeah-er.)

23. If you visit my hometown: You will find spring break to be a very small aspect of it.

24. If you spend the night at my house: You will find Foster to be affectionate.

25. I'd stop my wedding if: I was planning one.

26. The world could do without: Sports. LOL!

27. I'd rather Have: a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

28. My favorite blonde is: naturally blonde.

29. Paper clips are more useful than: my nipples.

30. If I do anything well, it is: rationalizing...giving advice.

31. And by the way: your zipper is down. Made ya look.

32. The last time I laughed: In the car...listening to Opie and Anthony.

33. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: wow...that is too surreal.

34. I shouldn't be: on the PC so much.

35. Once, at a bar: I openly suggested in the restroom, jokingly that I would give $20 to anyone willing to eat vomit out of the urinal that was full of it...I went into the stall to do my thing and heard a collective gasp...went to leave and someone grabbed me and pulled me back in and wanted the money...I said no way, as I did not see a thing...so he dragged me to the urinal and ate it again...I went to the cashier and put a $20 tab for him on my card...never again...LOL! When I tell this story in person, the details are much funnier, but it is the grossest thing I have experienced ever.

36. Last night: I slept hard.

37. There's this girl I know who: had AIDS, but slept around a lot anyway.

38. A better name for me would be: Zdecislavistczenivflav

39. When I go back to school I'll: wonder what I am doing there at my age.

40. Next time I go to church: it will be for a wedding or a funeral.

Heres Your Sign...

Heeere's your sign....sigh...

Current mood:confused

#1. At the laundromat this morning, it was VERY crowded. I was sitting on the far side of the facility reading my paper, and my clothes were in the dryer on the opposite side of the facility. Someone walked over and said "Excuse me, your dryer door popped open.". While I appreciated their concern, I find it hard to believe it would not have been easier to simple close the door, but that is just me...

#2. I completely mowed my lawn, trimmed and took all my brush out last night and burned it in a bonfire. Today, one of the neighbor kids stopped by to ask if I needed my lawn mowed. I said no, I had done it yesterday...then he asked if he could haul off any brush to the curb...alrighty then.

How is YOUR Carma...?

How is YOUR Carma...?

Current mood:frustrated

Well...about my car situation...I sold my Moms car, and I have sold my van 3 times...first time the guy backed out because he had no parking space, second guy went to his mom to borrow the money and she gave him thousands of dollars to get a newer truck, and he refrained from letting me know...now a painter gave me a deposit on it and has not found the time to come by and pick it up...so it sits in my yard. Who would have thought it would be so hard to sell a cheap van??

So my buddy calls me and says he has a van for me...Dodge Caravan. It is too small for my needs, but a fantastic deal, so I turn Lori on to it. Now I have inherited her car...nothing wrong with it really other than the air not working, but winter is here anyway... It is not registered so I have it parked in the carport... I pulled it out to take some things out of it and when I went to pull it back in the battery died. Oh well, this happens, but I am not happy about having to repair a car I am not even driving...but I am resigned to having to do it and replacing a battery is soooo easy.

Did someone say replacing a battery was easy? Who is the prick at GM who decided that side posts were so much better than the top posts that EVERYONE else in the world uses? I could kick his ass right now.

The charger would not clamp on well for me to try to charge the battery (but the battery was too far gone anyway...) and you cant jump start it by yourself (tits on the connectors are too small for my cables). I decided to quickly replace the battery.

Well, you have to remove a brace to get to the battery...then there was a bolt holding the battery at the base of the battery...I put a wrench on it and the head immediately broke off. I tried then to pull the battery out but there is not enough slack in the battery cables. I removed the negative cable, and went to remove the positive but the nut grip was stripped so I could not get a wrench on it. Tried vice grips to no avail. Went and bought a bolt-out from Sears for $26 and it wont fit it.

I cant cut the terminal off because there may not be enough cable to reach the battery after installing a new one. So the car is stuck in the carport, unable to jump or charge...for a fu****g 15 cent bolt.

So I see an acquaintance has had an accident and his car is shot...I tell him "Today is your lucky day...you need a car, I have one!" He comes to the house and loves the car and I give him a sweet price on it with one caveat...

He has to replace the battery.

He says it is a great deal and he will be back to pick it up.

Havent heard from him since. The car is still there. The van is still there.

I will probably try drilling out the bolt or chiseling it off or breaking the battery case...I mean, what is a little acid gonna do?

It is the little things in life that have the power to please or aggravate you to the n'th degree, LOL!

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know...

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know...

Current mood:aggravated

Yeah, I have a big dog. I walk both my dogs once or twice a day...Tiny off the leash because she listens, Foster on the leash because he is still a bit buck wild.

Foster is 100+ pounds and all muscle. He pulls me down the street as we are leaving the house because he is so excited, but he calms down later and is less strenuous.

Yet, everyone I meet between point a and point b seems compelled to mention that he is taking ME for a walk.

"Ha ha... whos walking who?" "Foster taking you for your walk again?" "Wheres Foster taking you?" "I see he is walking you again..."

Ha ha ha...I f****** get it. AHHHHHHHHHHH!

There I feel a little better.

We have citrus trees at the end of the street and Foster has taken to enjoying tangerines. I pick em off the tree and give him one to chew as we make our way around. He seems to enjoy the juice. It is really funny to see him with an orange or tangerine in his mouth walking...and the muffler effect it has when he barks.

All for now...just a vent.

My Mother's Escort Service

My Mother's Escort Service

Sold my Mom's car today. Bit of a bittersweet parting... I always had a joke with my Mom that if she was dying, our last trip would be to the Lincoln dealership to get a sweet Mark 8, with term life coverage, fully financed so that when she died I would get a great car in the inheritance. We never got around to that, but I did inherit a 93 Ford Escort. My dad and mom bought the car brand new while they were both alive, healthy and working...so the car has been there thru all the drama since.

Since my mom has been ill, I have been driving it on my days off...it is a good little workhorse of a car...not much to look at or brag about, but a good alternative on the days off, and close to 30 mpg. Pretty much head out of town carefree.

One of my last outings with it months ago resulted in either a blown head gasket or a cracked or warped head. The death knell sounded for the steed. Repairs would be close to the value of the car, so sat she did. This month it was time to sh** or get off the pot...so I put it on the side of the road for sale in as is condition. The tow truck is coming to pick it up.

I will miss the car, and the memory of my mom and dad driving it, but lets face it, you invest in fixing and Escort, it is still an Escort. I guess you cant really polish a turd...it may shine but it is still a turd, LOL!

Now all I have to do is sell my 84 Dodge Ram conversion van and I will officially be in the market for a car. I think my neighbor is buying the van from me this weekend, so we will see.

Halloween Parties 2005

Halloween Parties 2005

Current mood:accomplished

The halloween parties this year were a welcome distraction! I did the party for George at the Net. His parties always rock because he has the best friends and clientele, he "get"s what I do, and I "get" what he wants. We never even have to talk...he tells me a date and event, I show up, rock, then tell him what he owes me, LOL! I miss working there regularly. I used to be there every Thursday before they changed formats and integrated the fish market.

They had some of the greatest costumes there. Great response to the dance music, so I was feeling the love. Only very few downsides. But the one downside was actually an upside...George had my back on my opinion on an altercation. Another KJ was there...he is known for his impersonation of a popular mutton chopped performer of days gone by. He selected a song and I put him in the rotation. I dont run a strict rotation at private parties, especially if the dancers are ready and have been waiting. I generally let everyone sing a song, dance, then go back into rotation. Also, whoever is paying me is boss...what they say goes. The restaurant has a girl working there who flat out KICKS ASS as a singer. I got her up to sing and George insisted on a two-fer...as did everyone else in the bar! Finished the rotation, planned a half hour of dance then a costume contest then back to the singers. The mom of the Elvis guy asked me to let Elvis sing again. I told her that he had a turn in and it would be awhile. She got bent with me so I explained how and why I do things and she called BS on me because I let the employee sing 2 in a row. I told her that was Georges decision and what he says goes because it is his party. She went and complained to George...and he came to me (while the dance floor was PACKED and pumpin) and said Elvis was upset and was leaving the building. My response: See ya! Bye. George smiled, and I said, George if you say the word, I will clear the floor to let him sing, but do you want to do that? If he wants to wait his turn he can do 5 songs in a row for all I care, but he will have to wait, and if he cant, dont let the door hit on the way out. I also noted it was probably not him upset, but his family and entourage.

Hmm...when they called his name as a finalist for the costume contest, he was missing in action. Might have been something I said.

Overall, a fantastic night...

Did Mothers last night, and we had an over 30 singer rotation and lots of great costumes. I did not dress up, so when asked, I either said I was Mondo dressed as Harry, I was a left handed Jehovahs Witness, or as evidenced by a pic on myspace, I put my arm inside my shirt and said I was the drummer from DefLeppard...my favorite. Napoleon Dynamite was a popular theme this year. The most curious was this guy Todd who came as Jim Carreys character in Mask...green face, yellow suit etc. He actually used latex paint for the green. Painted his whole head. How in the hell is that gonna wash out from his eye and ear crevices, LOL?? Glad to not be him today. He was shedding at the end of the night and left plenty of mess. At one point he sang and got paint on my mic. At least he won $125 first place prize money to buy a scrub brush, LOL!

By 12 it quieted down and those who stayed got to sing 2 or 3 songs that last hour. I tried some new material and it went over really well. I opened with If You Wanna Get To Heaven by Ozark Mt Daredevils...went well. Pulled myself out because it was sooo busy, then when it slowed down I did Phil Collins - I Dont Care Anymore. Great song, but SC slaughtered the keyboards in it. Very clumsy. I also did Sober by Tool which got an amazing response...absolutely floored me the reaction I got to that. I am curious now to see if that was merely a moment in time or if that tune is a keeper. Closed it out with Where Did You Sleep by Nirvana which also got a great reaction.

People were feeling the love and getting into it, and that feeds me to do a better job. Marge did a great version of Hey Jude and we got the ENTIRE bar singing along so loud at the end that I just turned the amp down and went acapella for a verse or 2, LOL!

At the end of the night, by buddy Gene was stuck there drunk...he is in his 80s and failing. I asked him to let me drive him home, then I needed to find a driver to bring me back. Gene lives close so it would only take 5 minutes.

HA! Gene has an Allante. A very technical car to operate if you are not familiar with it. The drivers door would not open, so I got in the passengers side and slid over...started the car, could not find the lights. My driver had his lights shining in my eyes so I was blinded. I could not open the door to tell him...the windows had dew on them and I could not find the wipers. Keep in mind, I pride myself on being able to jump in any car and drive it, so this was humbling to me. Got the lights on and there was a bulb out so I found the hi beams, then my buddy brought me a flashlight so I could find the controls. Got the car to Genes and none of the doors would open for me. Gene could not open them either, so I rolled down the window and exited the Allante Dukes of Hazzard Style. Last I saw was Gene in the driveway at 2:00, home safe, with the car window down, LOL!

And how was your night, LOL??

Glitter Blog

All that glitters...

Current mood:aggravated

I HATE GLITTER! There I said it...I scream it .... III HAAAATE GLITTTTEEERRRR!

Now I am not opposed to glittery things, or shiny things, LOL! I hate powdery uncontrollable sprinkles of glitter.

It is very nice in its milieu. If you are using glitter in crafts I am sure it looks great, and if you are using body glitter I am sure it makes you feel pretty. It is the residual fallout the PISSES ME OFF!

This probably goes back to my days in the Flower Shop. The designer would sprinkle glitter on certain decorations or arrangements, and I would deliver them. The delivery van would get glitter residue inside, which of course would get on me and I always had this residue of pixie dust when looking in the mirror...on my clothes. I would go out at night and see glitter on me...or in my house that I had tracked in. I would bitch about it and the designer, Peter, thought it was funny so he threw glitter on me. I was irate. I was leaving for Orlando after work, and had to go home and change and get all this out of my hair. To the day I sold my old house, I was still finding glitter in the bathroom.

My favorite glitter story...working at the flower warehouse, everyone was aware of my aversion to glitter. We sold these branches covered in glitter and the boxes would always have a ton of loose glitter in them. Someone (the owner of the company perhaps?) thought it would be funny to get my office chair and put glitter all over the seat while I was out with a customer in the warehouse, then it would be there when I returned for the 10 am sales briefing. I came in for the meeting and saw the glitter and everyone expected to see my reaction. I merely kept a straight face, opened the door to the parking lot and propped it open, picked up my chair and heaved it into the lot, closed the door, grabbed the chair from the desk behind me, and acted like nothing happened. No one ever did that again, LOL!

So I put on clothes and go out and someone with body glitter gives me a hug and I am covered. Or someone decides I need pixie dust at a party and my equipment is covered in glitter. How many pieces of glitter does it take to make a CD player fail? Not many! I tell Loris daughters that no guy likes body glitter, they just tolerate it to get laid. Glitter is the best birth control device for me...well right up there with Windsong or Charlie...but fragrance is another topic for another day.

I feel sorry for the person who has to clean all the glitter at the bars. I just kept slogging around in it last night thinking "How much of this is going to turn up on me at the wedding I am doing this Saddy"?

Think before glittering. Friends, dont let friends wear glitter. And keep it away from me. It could be my Achilles Heel... And dont try me to be funny...I have a violent side, LOL!

Burn Baby Burn

Burn Baby Burn - This Ones For Diane

Current mood:satisfied

If there is anything more cathartic than a bonfire, I dont know what it would be. Take all of the things you dont need, dont want or hate and burn them...watch them burn. Feed your inner pyro. You will feel better for it.

I live in an area where I can burn. I learned instead of packaging yard waste and sending it to the dump, to burn it. There is a catharsis in seeing all these heaps of unwanted rubbish and greenery turn to powdery ash. There is reward in the enjoyment of the flames and the process of consumption. When I go for the long burn, I add in all my shreddable documents and anything else I can find...medical bills, mortgage docs, whatever...what you drop in will cease to exist. That can be good karma.

I burn in my backyard, but recently created a pit in the front yard on the stump and root ball of a hurricane felled oak. I had to clear debris away from the house and burn all the tree trimmings, vines and other growth. The stump has been smouldering for 3 days, adding a oak incense to the atmosphere. I got a bit of it to burn away, so I am looking forward to the next bonfire to see how much I can clear out.

My neighbor just got a huge construction dumpster to haul his stuff away...he is not a big burn guy, but he did come down and enjoy my fire Saturday. If I never had to leave the house, I would love to soak the root ball in kerosene, stack all his waste on top and ignite it and let go to work. Hmmm...if I do , I will get pictures. LOL!

C'mon baby light my fire....