Saturday, October 7, 2017

Someone died and nobody cared...

     On Sept 12, 2017, someone died, and nobody really cared.  That is a sad statement, but a true one.  This gave me pause to reflect on her life, and to hope that statement never applies to me or anyone I care about.

     The woman in subject was a friend of mine.  Not a casual friend, but a familiar person in my life whom I was close to years ago, but had gotten out of contact with as situations in her life got worse and worse, by her own doing.  She made some decisions in her life that caused her problems.  Not the traditional bad decisions such as drinking, drugs or bad romance, etc...  Just really horrible, wacky life decisions.  In the midst of this, she had kids to raise and did a fair job of that up to a point when the wheels seemingly fell off the car.  Her mom had been there adding SOME stability to her life.  After her mom passed away, all bets were off.  I have to believe some mental illness or psychological issues were at play as well, based on the memories that I have, as well as my friends and her family. 

     It appears that years ago, she committed a heinous act that was covered up with the help of her mother.  No one found out for about 20 years.  In the meantime, I think that living with that secret may have took a mental toll on her.  There was very erratic behaviors in those years, and each day sent her kids further and further from her, not physically, but emotionally and psychologically.  As each child grew up, they got further away from their mom.  She had no "real" friends outside of family and family friends.  She kept a secretive circle. 

     Years ago, her boyfriend at the time, and father of her last child, spilled the beans about what she had done, exposing her secret to the world in a very high profile story that was on the news for a week.  The statute of limitations had run out, and the story was modified to put her deceased mother at blame, so there was no penalty, but rather, she did enter the criminal system for child neglect charges and other issues.  This was a huge revelation for the children too to understand why the home situation was so weird (putting it lightly...I could tell stories, and many of my close friends all have stories...especially her children). 

     Fast forward, she became one of the street people around town, eventually taking ill, ending up in a care facility where no one visited her, until she passed away with no fanfare.  She was cremated, and no one cares to claim the cremains. 

     Pondering that fact alone, I do not blame any of her children for not caring.  I completely get that.  It is just sad that at the end, there were no friends, no one who cared.  Probably the only nurturing she got in her life for the last 5-7 years or so was from people who were paid as their job to care.  Those are the true angels on earth.  I am actually glad that she is no longer suffering, or causing burden to others.  I hope that maybe her passing was in some way cathartic to her kids, who have all moved forward from her already.  But more for the purpose of this posting, her life's end is a cautionary tale to us here above ground, to try better to not be that person who passes away, and no one cares. 

     My father in law is on the opposite end of that spectrum.  He passed away last week and was beloved by everyone in his life who met him.   It is great to see family and friends rally and mourn the passing, and celebrate the life of a person. 

     It is a humbling feeling to wonder how your passing will be met by those you leave behind.  As long as someone cares and you are missed, I think that is a step in the right direction.  Don't live a life that has you as the person who dies, and no one notices or cares.               


Hamm said...

The youngest I think was affected the most by the whole situation. At least That is how it seemed to me from the conversations (we) had, and the early passing circumstances. I wish that their had been some way of knowing more of what was going on with the family so that we could have tried getting them some professional help.

Harryoke said...

Keep in mind, there is one more younger yet...out of the loop. I dont know if the father has shared this story, since he/she was a baby when he took custody. I think that was long enough ago now that he/she would be around 23 or 24 years old now. I have only seen the dad a few times and he was very aloof. Not sure how sheltered he has kept the child from info. (Being intentionally respect the family who do not want to rehash the drama).