Bad news to get on Christmas Eve...
Current mood:
Well, on Christmas Eve, I made a point of calling some family members that I am out of contact with on a regular basis...it is a long story, but suffice to say, our family, while large, does not really communicate well. There is a lot of history from before I was born, and a VERY large age gap. I have sisters who have kids older than me. My Dad ruffled a lot of feathers back in the day.
While making my Christmas Eve calls, I checked in with my favorite uncle in San Diego, and found his phone had been disconnected. I called his daughter, who he lived with, to get the scoop. She informed me that he had gotten ill, gotten worse, was in a convalescent home and had died several months ago, and no one had thought to contact me. I was immediately saddened, shocked and pissed at the same time. He was my favorite relative, and the only one outside of my immediate family whom I stayed in contact with. He always recognized my birthdays and holidays. He was my Mothers brother, and he was the person in my family I most associated with on a family level. I could easily see myself in him...we shared the same attitudes, outlooks and values. My visits with him will always be memorable. Even hanging out in Vegas with him when he was in his 80s was a blast. Eating with me at buffets, drinking coffee and having fun. He was the only one in my family, outside of the immediate family, who ever thanked me, and my brother, for taking care of his sister until her passing. I took care of my mom out of obligation, but it was nice to be thanked.
I really kept meaning to go to San Diego this year to visit with him one more time, in case something were to happen. I compiled a bunch of family photos onto my PC and wanted to ask him questions about them. I wish I had some warning that he was not doing well, so I could have visited before he took ill. I am not even sure of how or why he passed...not even sure I want to know. He lived a full and rich life, and I choose to remember him based on my time spent with him, in person or on the phone.
I am not sure how I should feel about not being told...that is bugging me, but on the other hand...we are not a close family, and maybe that is just a symptom of that fact. I really do try to be a conduit of contact to my relatives, but apparently there was a lot of damage done before I came along. I have all these relatives spread all over, and none of them really communicate...and all have taken vastly different paths. I think a lot has to do with hatred of or disagreements with my father, who could be an unreasonable asshole at times. He passed away in 97 I believe. I have a sister in Vegas who is out of touch, and is not well and is not expected to live another year...a sister in Minnesota who I talk to on the phone now and again and is ALWAYS glad to hear from me...a sister who was always in the Miami area but who has recently moved about 2 hours south of me. I visited her recently. I have a sister in Tampa who estranged herself from the family, then returned but she and I shared a volatile relationship. When my mother passed away, we found common ground and put the past behind us and get along quite well now. I have a brother near Orlando who estranged himself from the family, and only recently have we been spending time together again. He visits frequently now, and thanks to a job that puts him close to my house now and again, we do lunch a lot. I have another brother living locally who retired from the Air Force and bought a house near mine to be close to me, and my Mother. He and I are the only family living closely who actually talk regularly. I have actually gotten my brothers to lunch together with me, which I never thought I would see in my lifetime.
I am envious of people who have large close families with limited dysfunction. My family is largely F'd up, LOL! Those who know me well understand that comment. My brother always asks my how I got out of it and remained normal. I suppose my coping mechanism is just to move on and not dwell. Dwelling on the stupid stuff is what breaks down the family.
I sure wish I would have known about my uncle. BUT, you don't get second chances, do you? I think I am going to make a concerted effort to stay in better touch with my relatives, regardless of whether they like it or not, LOL. I loved my uncle, and finding out about his passing as an afterthought really kind of broke my heart a little.
I have not told anyone about this yet...so I know a couple of my family members will read about it here first. Guess that makes me just as bad as the rest, but alas, they were not as close with my uncle as I was. I have been sitting on this news because I didnt want to spoil anyones day...so blogging it now is just my way of releasing...
RIP Mr. Charles Mayes. You will be missed.
